I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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