Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
why do cheetos always look like penises
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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