Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
