Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
