K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
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I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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