We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
