Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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