I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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