There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
