i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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