My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize