We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
