The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
