I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
