I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
