Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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