i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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