butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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