I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
