hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?