and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
