Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other