Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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