Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(830): View more from Texas

You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin

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(815): View more from Illinois

I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo

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(303): View more from Colorado

he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(973): View more from New Jersey

hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom

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(248): View more from Michigan

Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.

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