If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
