i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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