Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
