Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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