Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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