All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
