Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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