oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
