Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
