My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
