We won't sleep together?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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