You're completely useless in the revolution.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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