Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
