you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
