I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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