you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize