One girl and one boy is just not enough.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
