the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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