I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
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Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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