Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
