the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
