Soap is not a condiment
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize