i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
