We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
