guys are not supposed to queef...right?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
