i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
