And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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