what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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