Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize