it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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