guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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