Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
