Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
