fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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