you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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