I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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