she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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