ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just pee around me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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