I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
