Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
