If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
time to smoke my breakfast
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
