I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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