so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
