YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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