Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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