and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
