Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
