She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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