apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
