Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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