i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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