so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
