wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
