is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
