mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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