We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
