so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
