I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
